This week , I want to introduce you to Irmak Çakıcı whose story affect me so much. She is the fifth member of middle class family so her opportunities are limited. In her childhood , she stood out with her talent in dance too much; nonetheless, her family couldn't afford the cost of her dance course.She was also hard-working student so she got into university in Istanbul. Although she had to have a job to afford her needs , she continued to get high notes.She earned scholarship and went to the London. While she was going to the class she saw a poster about a dance competition. She joined the competition and her life changed suddenly.She won competition and started to take dance courses from famous dance teachers.She was good at dancing so much ,so she was discovered in a short time by journalists.They wondered how she became succesfull in spite of her inadequate conditions.I think the answer is 'determination'.Dance is a lifestyle for her , so she have a lot of plans about her new life. She is continuing with her education and joining competitions.She already have a lot of medals. When she returns Turkey , she will open a dance school providing scholarship to talented students. She never gave up and her dreams came true.I am proud of her and I belive she will be more succesfull in future.
Dear Meltem,
YanıtlaSilI really affected by your topic and the person who you wrote about. Thanks your for introducing her to us.
You have a very clear writing style. The content of your writing is very well. You expressed yourself and your ideas in an impressive way.
I want to state some of your mistakes in this writing. Firstly, before the ordinal numbers, the definite article "the" is used. Secondly, I think you should pay attention to punctuation. There are some punctuation mistakes in your writing. For example, the first comma after although is unnecessary. Thirdly, instead of saying"to be realized", using " to be discovered" may be more approppriate usage.
I congratulate you again.
Dear Şemsi,
YanıtlaSilThanks for your comment.I took consideration your comment and I did the essential regulations in my writing.I felt happy when I read that you had liked my topic.Also , I thank you for your suggestion about using another word because the sentence became more appropriate than before.I made my rewrite thanks to you!.Therefore I am waiting your new comments :)